Cute French girl in this video beware, you’ve got yourself some prime-time competition. And this competition is none other than the homeless man seated on the uptown D-Express train this morning.
You’ve got tales about hippos allergic to magic? Well he has real-life narratives documenting monkeys in women’s beds, complete with sound effects. And the monkeys were hairy. And the women were doing stuff to them. That’s drama.
I declare a fairy tale vlog-off. If I was bold, which I am not, I would take to the streets and subway stations with my video camera and walk up to noisy homeless men and say, “got any thoughts?” and see what happens. That’s when ish stops being polite and starts getting REAL.
Lots of bills and fame in this idea, guys. I’m serial.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Connecting the Dots
Spotting a famous person is an exciting experience. It is also a confusing experience. This is because it all happens in a flash; if you don’t spot and confirm the face within the first two seconds, its over, you will never know.
So today I spotted Marilu Henner. Don’t know who that is? Don’t feel bad, I wouldn’t either just by looking at the name (I googled). I guess the only reason I know her face is because of the childhood gift of Nick at Nite; really shows my age. And don’t bust on Nick at Nite in the comments because it was the best and I strongly believe that if they don’t, they should certainly still be doing something like that for kids.
Anyways, Marilu exited the elevator in my office building as I was getting on this morning. It was a lobby exchange, poor thing walked right into a group of us waiting for the elevator and had to walk by quickly hoping none of us would get overly excited and beg her for an autograph (none of us would have gotten overly excited and begged her for her autograph).
Now comes the confusing part of the famous person spotting experience. Was it Marilu Henner? Why would Marilu Henner be in my office building at approximately 9:10 AM on a Tuesday? To confirm your famous person spotting you have to use your brain. I am bringing myself back to a past elevator experience wherein I overheard an exchange between two people on the 13th floor. It involved, “did you get in?” And the woman said, “Actually yes. They asked where I was from and I said Inside Edition and they let me in.” BOOM.
Inside Edition is a trashy version of ET. It is possible that Inside Edition is on the 13th floor. Inside Edition would totally do one of those excerpts that no one cares about titled something like “Where is the lady from Taxi Now?”. And finally, since no one cares about poor Marilu, they would probably force her to come in and be interviewed before work hours on a Tuesday morning.
Case closed. Marilu Henner lives a sad life and was at my midtown west office building this morning sans disguise because no one cares about Marilu Henner anymore. I wonder if I would get laughed at if I Gawker Stalkered this.
So today I spotted Marilu Henner. Don’t know who that is? Don’t feel bad, I wouldn’t either just by looking at the name (I googled). I guess the only reason I know her face is because of the childhood gift of Nick at Nite; really shows my age. And don’t bust on Nick at Nite in the comments because it was the best and I strongly believe that if they don’t, they should certainly still be doing something like that for kids.
Anyways, Marilu exited the elevator in my office building as I was getting on this morning. It was a lobby exchange, poor thing walked right into a group of us waiting for the elevator and had to walk by quickly hoping none of us would get overly excited and beg her for an autograph (none of us would have gotten overly excited and begged her for her autograph).
Now comes the confusing part of the famous person spotting experience. Was it Marilu Henner? Why would Marilu Henner be in my office building at approximately 9:10 AM on a Tuesday? To confirm your famous person spotting you have to use your brain. I am bringing myself back to a past elevator experience wherein I overheard an exchange between two people on the 13th floor. It involved, “did you get in?” And the woman said, “Actually yes. They asked where I was from and I said Inside Edition and they let me in.” BOOM.
Inside Edition is a trashy version of ET. It is possible that Inside Edition is on the 13th floor. Inside Edition would totally do one of those excerpts that no one cares about titled something like “Where is the lady from Taxi Now?”. And finally, since no one cares about poor Marilu, they would probably force her to come in and be interviewed before work hours on a Tuesday morning.
Case closed. Marilu Henner lives a sad life and was at my midtown west office building this morning sans disguise because no one cares about Marilu Henner anymore. I wonder if I would get laughed at if I Gawker Stalkered this.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Things that Stress Me Out that Shouldn’t
1. Opening my umbrella on the street with people watching. I can never get it to latch, it takes me forever and is really embarrassing.
2. Eating anything crunchy at my desk for lunch. It is really quiet in here and I think everyone can hear me manging.
3. Becoming a regular at the deli by my office. I usually switch between two different kinds of wraps, so now they like call me out. Sometimes I want something different but end up getting one of those because they see me coming in the door and start to reach for one of the two wraps. It’s terrible.
4. The whole elevator corridor/ waiting area of my office. It’s a social deadzone: you never know who you are going to have to ride with and it’s socially and professionally rude to put in your ipod and not chat.
5. The thought of having to cook in front of other people. Not even the action, although that too- just the thought of it makes me stressed.
6. The decision of whether to stand on the subway train or take that seat squished in between two people, possibly pissing them off.
7. Going shopping with wet hair fresh from a shower after being at the gym. People think I’m sloppy.
8. Signing my credit card receipt after buying something. This, obviously, happens a lot. It’s minimally stressful, but still stressful. My signature sucks and I take a long time to write it because I still don’t have it down pat. The automatic pen one is worse because half the time I can’t get it to work.
9. Scheduling/ going to a meeting in my office. After 6 months at this job I still don’t really know what meeting rooms are named what and always end of having to ask one of the admins where to go and watch them look at me funny.
10. Poking on Facebook.
2. Eating anything crunchy at my desk for lunch. It is really quiet in here and I think everyone can hear me manging.
3. Becoming a regular at the deli by my office. I usually switch between two different kinds of wraps, so now they like call me out. Sometimes I want something different but end up getting one of those because they see me coming in the door and start to reach for one of the two wraps. It’s terrible.
4. The whole elevator corridor/ waiting area of my office. It’s a social deadzone: you never know who you are going to have to ride with and it’s socially and professionally rude to put in your ipod and not chat.
5. The thought of having to cook in front of other people. Not even the action, although that too- just the thought of it makes me stressed.
6. The decision of whether to stand on the subway train or take that seat squished in between two people, possibly pissing them off.
7. Going shopping with wet hair fresh from a shower after being at the gym. People think I’m sloppy.
8. Signing my credit card receipt after buying something. This, obviously, happens a lot. It’s minimally stressful, but still stressful. My signature sucks and I take a long time to write it because I still don’t have it down pat. The automatic pen one is worse because half the time I can’t get it to work.
9. Scheduling/ going to a meeting in my office. After 6 months at this job I still don’t really know what meeting rooms are named what and always end of having to ask one of the admins where to go and watch them look at me funny.
10. Poking on Facebook.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Age Old Question
Age being if you are not over the age of 33 because that is what I like to consider the approps age cut-off for Facebook. Why 33? Because I am too close to 30 yet it is still not 35 which is too close to 40. Although I know and care about a few violators of that "DW enacted law."
I got poked. Who pokes? Before this I did not know of anyone who pokes. Poking is for the kids I say.
Problem is this: I actually like this poker so I dont want to be rude and not poke back. But can people see on their home page updates that I poked back? Because if so that is embarassing on a few levels.
So my thought process has now gone to this: I can write a wall post and say something along the lines of "ha did you poke me? I didnt know people poked." Well not that because that is lame but something along those lines. But is that offensive because I am clearly calling him out on the dorky move of the poke?
This technological era of friendship is really throwing me off kilter. Also, I cant tell when he poked. It doesnt give a time on FB for BB. What the. Terrible. Did he poke yesterday and I am already rude?
How do I respond!? I am making too big of a deal of this?! This is what happens when you poke!!
Worst.
I got poked. Who pokes? Before this I did not know of anyone who pokes. Poking is for the kids I say.
Problem is this: I actually like this poker so I dont want to be rude and not poke back. But can people see on their home page updates that I poked back? Because if so that is embarassing on a few levels.
So my thought process has now gone to this: I can write a wall post and say something along the lines of "ha did you poke me? I didnt know people poked." Well not that because that is lame but something along those lines. But is that offensive because I am clearly calling him out on the dorky move of the poke?
This technological era of friendship is really throwing me off kilter. Also, I cant tell when he poked. It doesnt give a time on FB for BB. What the. Terrible. Did he poke yesterday and I am already rude?
How do I respond!? I am making too big of a deal of this?! This is what happens when you poke!!
Worst.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Operation Rid New York of Strangers' Dirty Germs
Being a health care company, my office has hand sanitizer dispensers all throughout the office. I mean, everywhere, staring you in the face and telling you that you are dirty. Well, at least that is how I feel when I don’t use them each time and walk away feeling guilty.
I remember being in the bathroom with a visitor and her commenting on how we really follow through on promoting sanitation. Everything in there is automatic: toilets, sinks, soap, paper towel dispensers, and finished off with a hand sanitizer dispenser at the exit. This is great in thought but always just ends up making you feel crazed by the end of your bathroom break. The toilets go off while you are on them (or floating over them, whichever technique you prefer), the soap dispensers are never refilled, the sinks go on when no one is at them which is insanely creepy, and the paper towel dispensers force you to do a hand dance in front of them to get even a tiny inch of paper released.
We have hand sanitizers by the printers, by the elevators, in the bathroom, you name it. I thoroughly agree that this is a great idea, but hate that it leaves me thinking about how dirty everything actually is. Take the printer for example. Yes, everyone touches it. Yes, my co-workers may not wash their hands and I just don’t know it, BUT, they are my co-workers and thus to me are normal. Now if my office printer is so dirty, how dirty is everything else in life and around New York that doesn’t have a designated hand sanitizer next to it?!?! Gross.
So today while I waited for my print job to complete I had an epiphany. New York should invest in hand sanitizer dispensers to place on the polls in the subways. Not everyone is as responsible as myself and carries a tiny hand held dispenser in his or her purse. Every little bit helps, guys.
I remember being in the bathroom with a visitor and her commenting on how we really follow through on promoting sanitation. Everything in there is automatic: toilets, sinks, soap, paper towel dispensers, and finished off with a hand sanitizer dispenser at the exit. This is great in thought but always just ends up making you feel crazed by the end of your bathroom break. The toilets go off while you are on them (or floating over them, whichever technique you prefer), the soap dispensers are never refilled, the sinks go on when no one is at them which is insanely creepy, and the paper towel dispensers force you to do a hand dance in front of them to get even a tiny inch of paper released.
We have hand sanitizers by the printers, by the elevators, in the bathroom, you name it. I thoroughly agree that this is a great idea, but hate that it leaves me thinking about how dirty everything actually is. Take the printer for example. Yes, everyone touches it. Yes, my co-workers may not wash their hands and I just don’t know it, BUT, they are my co-workers and thus to me are normal. Now if my office printer is so dirty, how dirty is everything else in life and around New York that doesn’t have a designated hand sanitizer next to it?!?! Gross.
So today while I waited for my print job to complete I had an epiphany. New York should invest in hand sanitizer dispensers to place on the polls in the subways. Not everyone is as responsible as myself and carries a tiny hand held dispenser in his or her purse. Every little bit helps, guys.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The atmosphere of one’s office can really affect how well his or her day will go. My old office in Baltimore was a bit more quirky than my office here. It meant for some more interesting stories, but at the same time a few more annoying days.
The office kitchen is one of the few areas that really defines an organization’s culture. For example, my old office’s kitchen was a bit larger and was constantly filled during the lunch time hours, and in turn would get quite noisy. People loved to socialize there. Here, eh not so much. There is one group who frequents the lunch room each day but everyone else either goes out for lunch or eats at their desk. I do a little bit of both- leave to get food and come back and stuff my face in my cubicle.
The combination of on-the-edge-of-crazy people plus a popular office kitchen can get interesting. Those are the offices that contribute to the passive aggressive notes website. If I had known about that website in my earlier days, I most definitely could have contributed a few post-its from the office hater. “Office Hater’s Food- It would be appreciated if you don’t touch!” “Let’s have a clean kitchen- wash your dishes!” “Don’t leave paper in the printer!- help keep this area clean!!” Goodness gracious. So many times I wanted to post-it her face with “You’re such a hard worker, so much so that we all talk about you behind your back and named you after a swamp animal!”
Luckily, everything here is pretty mellow. I’m diggin’ it. However there is always the inevitable issue of wandering office smells that you have to deal with. The alright that guy just did a cube dusting smell, the that girl just put on lotion smell, that lunch smells good smell, that lunch smells disgusting smell, the really? You chose that perfume today? smell, the that guy has halitosis smell (old office), etc. Today I was walking through the hallway and smelled vomit. And then later I walked through the same hallway and smelled something like blueberry waffles.
I don’t know what else to say about that. This post kind of sucks.
The office kitchen is one of the few areas that really defines an organization’s culture. For example, my old office’s kitchen was a bit larger and was constantly filled during the lunch time hours, and in turn would get quite noisy. People loved to socialize there. Here, eh not so much. There is one group who frequents the lunch room each day but everyone else either goes out for lunch or eats at their desk. I do a little bit of both- leave to get food and come back and stuff my face in my cubicle.
The combination of on-the-edge-of-crazy people plus a popular office kitchen can get interesting. Those are the offices that contribute to the passive aggressive notes website. If I had known about that website in my earlier days, I most definitely could have contributed a few post-its from the office hater. “Office Hater’s Food- It would be appreciated if you don’t touch!” “Let’s have a clean kitchen- wash your dishes!” “Don’t leave paper in the printer!- help keep this area clean!!” Goodness gracious. So many times I wanted to post-it her face with “You’re such a hard worker, so much so that we all talk about you behind your back and named you after a swamp animal!”
Luckily, everything here is pretty mellow. I’m diggin’ it. However there is always the inevitable issue of wandering office smells that you have to deal with. The alright that guy just did a cube dusting smell, the that girl just put on lotion smell, that lunch smells good smell, that lunch smells disgusting smell, the really? You chose that perfume today? smell, the that guy has halitosis smell (old office), etc. Today I was walking through the hallway and smelled vomit. And then later I walked through the same hallway and smelled something like blueberry waffles.
I don’t know what else to say about that. This post kind of sucks.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Don't Mess With the Cabbie Unless You Want to Get Burned
I saw a street fight today. It involved a cab driver and some dude on a bike. It was intense.
Apparently it was all instigated by the bike guy spitting in the cab driver’s face. For this to happen, it must mean that the cab driver had his window down in the middle of a snow storm, which if you ask me is just plain not smart and asking for problems. That is like when my car got broken into and I put a black garbage bag in the window instead of a clear one and tried to pull out of my parking spot; like I said, asking for problems.
How It Went Down
The cab driver stopped his car, jumped out, and then chased the bike guy down the street. The bike guy was off of his bike for some reason (again not so smart), thus was forced to try to beat the cabbie in a race of the foot, which he lost poorly. Then some girl and I almost walked into traffic as we intently watched the cabbie pound on the culprit while screaming, “motherf-er spit in my face! Spit in my face!” End scene.
Of course, all of the passersby stopped, turned and watched. However, as Boondock Saints so fatefully taught us of the human reaction, no one did a thing. They all just stood there, watching.
And when the cabbie decided the battle was over and walked away, a few dudes turned and said to really no one in particular, “he spit in his face?” Mother Theresas.
The moral question here is whether or not the bike guy purposefully spit in the cab driver’s face. If so, he deserved it. If not, that sucks.
Now the outside question here is: why do people love fights? Love ‘em. Honestly, being a witness to that fight made my day because I can now go around and tell everyone I see that I saw a fight today. And I guarantee these people will be actually interested in who, what, where, why and when; and I will inform them, proudly.
Ed. Note: No one got hurt; the bike guy was up and walking away in no time.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday in Central Park
So yesterday K and I were walking through Central Park and we ran into a rollar-skating dance party. Some may think haha that is funny, and it is, but it was totally overrided by THIS. (little blurry at first, just wait until the 50 sec to 1 minute mark)
And don't worry, he had an escape route as his trusty Bat Bike stood idly by on the side of the walkway. I am beginning to understand the phrase "only in New York". Fantastic.
And don't worry, he had an escape route as his trusty Bat Bike stood idly by on the side of the walkway. I am beginning to understand the phrase "only in New York". Fantastic.
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