Gym Hate

Is it just me or does it always seem that gym machinery is breaking down? What are people doing?

Seriously, my parents have had the same treadmill since the 90s and that thing still runs smooth. My dad used to use it everyday, along with me and my brother …still smooth. The kid next door that for some reason wishes he was a member of the family and tends to make everyone feel weird by calling my father “dad” even in front of his own kin? Yup, he used it...still not broken. Even my mom gave it a few whirls except for the two times she went to Curves...still running strong.

Then why, outside of my family’s basement and in the confines of “Merritt Athletic Club” or “the NYSC”, where they have 24 hour maintenance on these machines, do they breakdown AT ALL TIMES.

This makes for numerous infuriating and potentially embarrassing circumstances.

Unmarked broken treadmills are the worst. You get on and think you are good. I have learned to first press start to see if the thing rolls before stretching. This prevents the embarrassing situation of completing a full stretch, ipod turn on and set, and towel place before you attempt to turn the machine on and get nothing. Then you end up playing Treadmill Duck Duck Goose by getting off and trying one treadmill after the other. Chances are, the first treadmill you were on is YOUR treadmill aka your comfort zone. Therefore, since someone broke your damn treadmill and the stupid person next to you allowed you to look like a jerk and stretch for a half hour instead of telling you, “hey dude just saw 15 people do the same thing, think that machine is broken,” you have to try out other unknown treadmills, of which it’s guaranteed one of those is broken as well. WORST.

Another worst: noisy machines. Oh I HATE noisy machines. I like to be completely invisible at the gym. Don’t look at me, don’t talk to me, I am sweaty and don’t want to interact with you. Then I hit start and the noise begins. Eeeehhh rrrrrr ehhhhh. Hmmm maybe when I hit the incline it will stop…eehhh rrrrr boom boom racket. Guess not. Everyone can hear it and you know they hate you. I always look around to see if there are any people without headphones on before I make the ultimate decision of staying on the machine or risking getting off and getting an even noisier one. WORST.

Still more. The multimedia deadzone. This occurs when you step on your machine and realize your ipod is dead. Then you try the TV on your machine and surprise! That is broken too. Then you are forced to stare at the silent TV/ back of sweaty person’s head in front of you while trying to figure out what the actors are saying because gyms refuse to put on closed captioning. What can make this worse? A noisy machine. Then you hate yourself AND the gym.

You would think with all this hate I would be a Good Samaritan and tell the front desk when something is broken. But I don’t.