Static Cling = Office Whore

Tights with dresses is currently a fashion rage. And I love it. I mean I have been eating it up all winter. However, tights often result in static cling. Static cling I have learned is the devil. DEVIL. I hate it almost as much as I hate Vera Bradley.

It is by far the worst when wearing a sweater dress. Today, however, I am actually wearing a dress that is more of the cotton family. Mental note: this material also results in static cling.

It is one thing to experience this when out shopping, or out to coffee or even out at a bar. However it is quite another thing to experience this when walking down the hallway in your office whilst attempting to appear professional. When walking, my knee length dress will suddenly become a mini dress. Before I know it I am balancing my coffee in one hand while attempting to pick my dress out of my crotch with the other. “Hi boss. Don’t mind me! Just picking my front wedgie, be out of your way in no time!”

Today it got really bad when I so boldly decided to get a water and coffee from the kitchen. This left me with no hands left to pull my dress down while walking back to my desk. I don’t think I have ever walked so fast in my life.

I know this is not just in my head. This realization is thanks to payroll Patricia who is one of those people you love because she does not hesitate to speak her mind. That is until it is about you. I nonchalantly mentioned that I needed some static guard and does she know anyone who might have some? She told me who had it hiding at her desk then proceeded to say that I better get some “earlier before later because my dress is currently hugging me in all the wrong places.” In girl code, this statement can also be interpreted as “I saw you walking in the hallway and you look like the office hooker. Change your dress slut.”