The Bad Smells Are Killing Me

Sensitive nostrils beware of the marketing corridor of my company’s office. It is not necessarily a bad smell per se, but it is a smell that would wake a dying man from the threshold of death. His nose hairs would prickle then he would suddenly come back to life in order to punch the person who introduced this overwhelming stench to his clean air.

In a less dramatic narrative, the girl next to me puts on lotion at approximately 2:30 PM each day. And it reeks. I am not usually one who is sensitive to certain smells. But the strong odor of this lotion, combined with the fact that I have a cold and my breathing capabilities are already struggling, is making this smell torturous. And it lasts. And lasts and lasts and lasts.

I had a lotion in high school that I used to think smelled great. However, my two best friends hated it with a passion. They even banned the lotion bottle from both of their cars. Therefore, I refuse to complain. Different things smell good to different people. But I must admit I have succumbed to making my fake cough every time the smell appears. To help you understand, my fake cough is very pathetic and comparable to the noise Derek Zoolander makes when he complains of the black lung. Possibly for this reason, it has yet to work.

I fear it is only going to get worse. I overheard Duane complaining of dry hands the other day. In a moment which seemed to take place in slow motion (because I could hear the voice in my head going “Nooooooooooooo”) the girl next to me offered Duane her lotion. And then Duane proceeded to walk by my desk about 50 times forcing me to survive the smell from all angles for the remainder of the day.

TGIF.