Um…You are so not P.C.

I overuse the word gay and it has become a problem. These days you need to be very careful because words like this are not widely accepted anymore, and understandably so.

I do not use it because I am anti-gay or anti-lesbian. That could not be further from the case. I am a strong supporter for gay rights and even have friends that lean in this direction. It is simply because in my earlier more sheltered life as a teen, I found that it described certain situations or feelings very well. A friend did something weird? That’s gay. A teacher gave a bad assignment? Gay. You did whaaaaaaaat? You’re gay. Since this time I still have not been able to find a better word to replace it.

Gay is not my only problem. There is the issue of retard. Still, at the ripe age of 24, I use it. Just the other day I found a new way of using it that I find highly amusing. Two days later, this phrase will sporadically pop into my head and I will laugh to myself. Out loud. The phrase is “too retard.” ie: “so sorry I didn’t finish that report boss, I was too retard.” Maybe it isn’t funny to you and I simply have the humor of a 12 year old boy, but it straight up cracks me up.

For an abuser of non-P.C. words such as myself, there is a striking moment of clarity where you realize that you indeed have a problem. It is very similar to an alcoholic or nymphomaniac, just not quite as dramatic. This moment for me was when I nonchalantly said the word “gay” in a conversation during my first meeting with my best friend’s girlfriend. This was of course later followed by a liquor induced sincere apology to my best friend wherein I pleaded my case and made her promise that her girlfriend didn’t hate me. Quite the first impression.

I beg you, if you have a substitute for either of these two words, please help a sister out and leave them in the comments.