The Ultimate Burn

My mom is a former English teacher. These days, when she isn’t receiving a double hip replacement, she is living the high life in retirement.

So the other day I confessed to my mom that I had a blog. I told her how I had wanted a hobby and when photography and rock climbing were deemed too far-fetched, I settled for writing. I thought that she would be proud that I was practicing my writing skills and following through with something. Apparently, I was very wrong.

I will get straight to the point of the matter and tell you that she laughed in my face. Well technically in my ear as it was over the phone. “DWWWW…if you want a hobby you should do something that gets you outdoors or exercising…or at least something that will introduce you to new people.” Bombshell! In case you are confused, that comment translated from “nice mom code” is…daughter you are a loser with no friends who needs to lose weight. I called her out on calling me a loser, made her feel guilty and hung up the phone.

In an attempt to win her over with the whole blog concept, I sent her a recent post that I thought she would find funny (see “The Hawk Eye”). The answer I got back was, once again, unexpected. First she told me that I wasn’t that desperate and to stop feeling so bad about myself. Then she berated me for writing on my blog during work hours. It didn’t end there.

“You know the news this morning had a young girl on there who got fired, FIRED, for writing personal emails at work DW, you need to be careful. Your brother had to sign a contract stating he wouldn’t write personal emails for his job- you sure you didn’t do that? You know these places have programs where they can see everything you do. This girl on the news, she thought she was deleting emails but she really wasn’t- they can see them all. DW, you CAN NOT afford to lose your job. You think you don’t have money now…” In conclusion, I have now graduated to a loser with no friends who needs to lose weight and is about to get fired.

This is the same mom whose response to my bad hairdo at my senior prom was “oh hunny it’s OK, it will be dark in there.” I love you too mom.