My roommates and I have taken on a fifth roommate; well sixth if you want to count my roomate’s girlfriend as a technical roommate. This roommate I speak of is actually not of the human form, it is a mouse.
This mouse was of course first discovered by me. I say of course because it took a few days and random spottings by the other roommates for them to finally believe my claim that this creature actually existed. Once it was decided that it had indeed taken residence in our home, the exterminator was called. The exterminator has now visited twice to no avail. He started by placing glue traps throughout the house. When that didn’t work, he has now placed various clamp traps (I don’t know what they are formally called, but these are the stereotypical traps you picture when thinking of a mouse trap) around the house, along with the glue traps. Still no dead mouse.
Our house is a mouse death trap and this thing refuses to die. I guarantee that I snap my toe in one of those damn traps before this thing does. I have decided that there has to be a plausible reason for his continued existence. I will now list these reasons here.
Reasons the Mouse Won’t Die
1) Free Food: my food cabinet not included as there is nothing in there except coffee grounds and crystal light
2) It Finally Has a Clean Place to Poop: aka the kitchen counters…gross
3) The Three Floors and Various Stairs Serve as a Mouse Jungle Gym
4) It is Getting Booty: in the last mouse spotting it looked significantly bigger thus it is under investigation to see if it’s knocked up
5) We’re Entertaining: Saturday night was basically an episode from The Real World. Drama, crying, vast amounts of booze, yelling, music and I bet even sex.
6) Naked Girls: Two of the spottings have been by my girl roommate and myself- in the bathroom.
7) The Fear of Death: Considering that it has taken this long for the mouse to get whacked I am going to go out on a limb and say that this thing is not dumb. It currently has three choices: a.) get stuck in a glue trap and die a slow, painful death from poison b.) get stuck in a clamp trap, pee itself, then die c.) continue to live in my house, aka mouse paradise
What would you do? I choose option C, final answer.
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